Anna Ziegler's 'Life Science'

Hi!

It's Eileen!

I'm back!

And I have three awesome plays coming your way- stay tuned!

Today's monologue is from -

LIFE SCIENCE 

BY ANNA ZIEGLER

Anna Ziegler is an amazing playwright.   Her other plays include "BFF," "Boy" (which was just Off-Broadway at Keen Company/Ensemble Studio Theatre), and "Actually" (which will be performed in the Williamstown Festival this year.)  "Life Science" is one of her lesser known plays.

Typical teens trying to determine what they mean to the political world and trying to cope with everyday teenage troubles.  Dana, Leah, and Mike are all Jewish, and are trying to figure out what that means to them.

DANA  17. Asks big, slightly inappropriate questions at slightly inappropriate times.  "An alpha girl, very pretty, and outwardly confident."  Pretends to be less smart than she is.

LEAH 17.  Feels 19.  "talkative, high-strung, a little nervous, very intelligent.  The kind of slightly geeky girl who has a handful of cool friends but isn't quite cool herself."  A self-proclaimed sad and thoughtful person.

TOM Asian.  Adopted. "Quiet but not a dork, even-keeled, modest measured, smart.  A respected loner."

MIKE "A bit of a jock, but no dummy even though he thinks he is.  He's popular and attractive."

The play begins with Leah and Tom discussing the political climate in the middle East, Antisemitism, and Jewish identity.  Well, Leah talks, and Tom just listens.  The scene quickly shifts to the most awkward sort-of date ever.  Leah's drinking.  Tom is not.  They sort-of like-like each other.  We also learn that Dana and Mike went out for eleven months and nine days, Mike wanted to sleep with her and she wasn't ready, but it's obvious that Dana still likes him.

Everyone thinks that Dana is having a "mid-life crisis"- she has decided not to go to college.  Then, she sees a news report about a twelve-year-old boy named Abdul from Lebanon whose parents were killed.  She is inspired to adopt him.

Leah and Tom make out.  It's awkward at best.  Leah says things like "your parents go away alot... don't they love you" and just as they're about to kiss "Has anyone ever told you that you look a little... I mean, young for your age?"  And then after they kiss "Did you know, you kind of... no offense or anything, but you kind of kiss like a fish? ... I wouldn't call it good.  It felt a little... inexperienced."  Leah reminds me a lot of Lucy from Charlie Brown.  Despite all of this, Leah wants to date Tom.

Neither one of them has dated before, so her idea is that they date for one year, just to have the experience.  But before he answers, Tom falls asleep.  Leah then has a short monologue where we begin to understand her problem- despite everything and everyone around her, she feels completely alone.  (This is a great monologue, though a little short- the one we'll be looking at comes a bit later in the play.)

Everyone judges Dana for wanting to adopt Abdul.  She has taken steps forward and has begun the adoption process.  Leah especially thinks she's crazy.  They fight.  It ends with

DANA. So you're afraid of who you are?

LEAH. Yes!

DANA.  Well, good.  So am I!

Dana and Mike have a fight in art class.  Mike thinks that if she wasn't ready to have sex with him, how could she possibly be ready to adopt a child.

Leah is sitting in the stairwell freaking out about college applications.  Mike begins to comfort her and quickly kisses her.  Leah immediately goes to text Tom.  She accidently texts Dana.

Leah tells Mike he kisses really well.  Mike tells Leah she's pretty.  Leah tells Mike she's imagined this happening since about the fifth grade.  Mike has trouble finding words for the way he is feeling.  Leah comforts him- "You're lonely. that's all."  They have a deep conversation- the kind of conversation that Leah has been trying to have all along.

Leah and Dana have back-to-back monologues.  We'll be looking at Leah's.  (Dana's is great, but harder to understand outside the context of the show.)  Leah is apologizing to Tom.  Dana is at her interview to see if she is a fit parent for Abdul.  But, during the interview, she has a change of heart. "From what I've heard, people become their parents; they become the parents their parents were, whether they want to or not and I just can't... inflict that on Abdul.  I just can't.  I mean, look at me.  Look at me."

Next we see a split-stage.  Mike and Dana on one side, in bed together.  They've just had sex.  Leah and Tom on the other side, making ammends.  Dana reads Mike a letter from Abdul.  She feels terrible.  Leah and Tom talk about more typical high school topics- fear of college, fear of sex, wanting to be ready for all of it.  Mike tells Dana he had sex with someone else when they were broken up, then he tells her he loves her.  She's not okay.  And that's it- that's the end of the play- a crazy conction of stereotypical high school drama, morbid thoughts, and mature existential life questions all through the lens of a couple of teenage friends.

Now, for the monologue.  Leah is apologizing to Tom.  (In the play, she is leaving him a voice mail.  I perfer to perform it as though he's standing in front of me.)

LEAH

I have an iPod Nano.  I have a Dell laptop.  I have a Samsung cell phone.  I have a J. Crew credit card.  I have eleven applications out at eleven schools.  I have a younger brother and two anxious parents.  I'm not sure who I am and what I'm meant to do.  I'm sorry that I got confused.  My mom says confusion is just this natural human thing, and unavoidable, but my dad thinks it's the mark of a weak person and I really don't want to think of myself that way, as a weak person.  Do you think I'm...?

No, what I'm trying to say is... there are just so many things... My mother was crying last night because what if I don't get into college, and what if I do?  And Dylan's obsessed with the Civil War now and his room is filled with these awful daguerreotypes and you look in these soldiers eyes and just see how they don't know this is the last picutre that they'll ever have taken of them, that tomorrow they'll be thrown onto this battlefield and they'll never come home again.

Um.  What I really mean is... I didn't mean it when I said I only wanted to go out with you temporarily.  I'm sorry for saying that.   I think it was a kind of... weak thing to say, or do to you, because I'm realizing more and more that words are acts, or deeds or whatever... and I wish I could have used mine better, impressed you more by saying the right things.  No.  I wish I could have earned your respect.  So maybe you'll give me another chance to do that?  I don't know.  I mean, it would be great if you called me.  I mean, if you wanted to call me.  But.

Okay.  So... Bye.

Game of Love and Chance, by Marivaux

HI.

IT’S SHANNON.

This is a very old and virtually unknown play (by anyone who doesn’t have a BFA in Theatre Studies). Marivaux, a contemporary of Moliere in early 18th-century France, was one of the first writers to give the upper classes and lower classes equal say onstage. The France he was writing from was only 50 years from its famous revolution, and several of Marivaux’s plays were outlawed because of increasing social tension. But they’re funny, farcical, and short, so there’s no reason we can’t include them on this blo. They make a very good “Oooooh, you’re doing that?” When an auditioner asks you for a Classical monologue (because really, who hasn’t seen a hundred Rosalinds?).

Without further ado,

I announce

Le Jeu De L'Amour et du Hasard

(The Game of Love and Chance)

By Pierre de Marivaux

The story tells of Sylvia, the high-born daughter of Orgon, who is betrothed to Dorante, a noble whose father Orgon knows well. Sylvia has never met Dorante, and prior to meeting him is nervous about what kind of man he is. With her father’s blessing, she decides to trick Dorante by switching places with her maid Lisette. Little does she know that Dorante, equally nervous, has decided to do the same thing and has switched places with his valet, Harlequin. The two nobles hit it off right away and immediately fall in love with each other. The two servants, playacting the part of noble, fall for each other, as well. But everyone is torn with the impossibility of their predicament! They each know that they’re not the class they’re pretending to be, but at the same time, can’t stand the person who they *think* is of the same class they are. Orgon, knowing both sides of the story, is highly amused. Finally, Dorante confesses to Sylvia (dressed as Lisette), that he is noble and therefore must fight the love he has. Sylvia, thrilled with the knowledge that the man she loves is in fact her betrothed, plots to make him marry her despite thinking she’s a servant, and involves her brother Mario to make Dorante jealous. Her plot works, and as soon as he proposes she confesses her true status to him. Both couples, happy in their respective pairings, dance offstage.

It’s a cute little farce, and Sylvia and Lisette both have brilliant monologues throughout the play. In fact, everyone talks quite a bit, and quite grandly to boot. Very fun.

This week we’ll be looking at

LISETTE

In this scene, she is talking to Dorante, who she thinks is Harlequin’s valet by the name of Bourguingnon (Borgin-yon). She has asked him what he thinks of his master, and Dorante (as Bourguingnon), while doing his best not to speak ill of his own name, tries to justify Harlequin’s behavior by citing that the ‘true’ Dorante is “a very different person.” Lisette, who has been entirely charmed by Harlequin’s verbosity and forthrightness, is offended on his behalf:

LISETTE: Disheartened? I’m not at all disheartened! How dare you speak this way of your master! I have found him to be much more discreet, more modest, and blessedly more down to earth than I expected, and have no reason whatsoever to complain of him! What is more, although I was at first surprised by his high spirits and although I  have learned today that men present to the world quite a different face from the one they wear in private, I am absolutely certain that that man, whoever he is, is very much himself! Furthermore, I like him, and would consider myself very fortunate indeed if, at the end of the day, he found it in his heart to ask for my hand. You may not think he is a gentleman, but I do, and I will thank you to take your divisive remarks back below stairs where they belong. I know what servants are, better than you might suppose, but I have never seen one quite like you! I had heard that you had spoken disparagingly about your master, and now I see that it is true!

DORANTE: I have never spoken disparagingly about Monsieur Durante!

LISETTE: Ha! It is obvious that you have a low opinion of him!

DORANTE: (Suppressing his anger) Madame, I wrongly sensed that you were concerned, when you asked me to tell you about him.And so I was attempting to do so candidly.

LISETTE: I think you were attempting to do something else entirely. There is something very presumptuous about the way you look at me. I don’t trust you. Bourguingnon. I don’t trust you, and I don’t like you.

All of this should be delivered with top working-class pizazz and sass. Lisette is a recurring character throughout Marivaux’s plays (as the sassy maid, basically) and always has lots of comedic relief and attitude to provide to the play. So have fun!

And as always,

Buy, Read, Post!

This has been

SOMEONE MONO-BLOGGING

and again,

I’M SHANNON

ENJOY!

Seminar, by Theresa Rebeck

HI.

IT’S SHANNON.

So this is one of my favorite plays, by another fabulous lady playwright, Theresa Rebeck. She’s very popular, and very, very good. My other favorite play by her, which has great female parts (and is sadly but expectedly a little overdone by girls looking for monologues) is Spike Heels, which I am certain you will see on this blog at some point (despite its being overdone). This one, however, is even better. It’s about writers, and (at least to me) treads that perfect, delicate line of pretentious, yet human. Its a writer writing about writers writing, and doing so masterfully.

UGH.

I love this play.

So.

My gift to you this week:

SEMINAR

by Theresa Rebeck

(you’re welcome)

Seminar is about four young writers who take a class with a well-renowned writer/editor, Leonard, in hopes of launching their careers. Douglas has a famous uncle, Izzy has a rampant sex drive, Kate has one story she’s been working on for six years, and Martin has… well we don’t know what Martin has because he won’t show it to anyone. Kate and Martin are old friends who clearly have a thing for each other. The play takes place over the course of several scenes, all (except the last) in Kate’s parents’ fabulous-and-rent-stabilized Upper West Side apartment. In the first scene, Douglas is pretentious, Leonard tears apart Kate’s story, and Martin falls for Izzy’s sexuality. In the second, Douglas and Izzy might be sleeping together, but then Leonard reads Izzy’s story, using it as a tool to get in her pants (which pisses Martin off), and despite Kate being quite upset, Martin convinces her to let him live with her in the apartment. The next week, Leonard calls Douglas a whore (for selling out his connections and writing style), Izzy tells Martin she’s not sleeping with Leonard and kisses him, which upsets Kate even more. The next scene, Martin and Izzy are a furously-copulating couple, Kate turns in a story to Leonard (which he likes) that she’s written under someone else’s name, and Douglas tells Martin that Leonard was once condemned as a plagarist. The following week, Leonard reads Martin’s story and (after offhandedly mentioning to Martin that Izzy’s been cheating on him) tells him he’s brilliant and offers him a leg up in the world. Martin rejects him, calls him a bunch of names. Leonard ends the class for good. In the next scene, we’re in Leonard’s apartment: Martin knocks, looking for his money back for the uncompleted sessions. Kate is in the apartment already, now sleeping with Leonard. She and Martin make up (sort of), and she leaves. Martin finds Leonard’s writing on his desk and realizes he actually is kind of a genius. Leonard offers to help Martin again, Martin accepts.

It’s wayyyy better than that I promise. It’s so smart and so quick and so wordy and the characterization is freaking brilliant. I highly recommend both the parts of Kate and Izzy. And Martin. And Leonard. And if you’re a Douglas, I think he’s got a good speech in there too.

That said, I’m definitely a

KATE

so that’s who we’re looking at today.

This monologue comes at the part of the play where Kate has turned in a new piece of writing to Leonard without telling him she wrote it… and he liked it. VICTORY! Her first story, about an over-educated white girl pining on the themes of Jane Austen, didn’t go over well to say the least so she furiously started her first story in years: the memoir of a transvestite Cubano gang member who she “knows from Bennington” (her endlessly-referenced alma mater). It was a hit with Leonard, and Kate is now telling everyone about that fact. At this point in the story her relationship with Martin is very strained because he’s living in her apartment and fucking Izzy’s brains out on a regular basis… in the living room. She’s frustrated, but has been channeling that frustration into writing and the result is a win. It’s a big moment.

KATE: Yes I did and Leonard loved it. Fucker. Stupid fucking mother fucker. A Cubano transvestite gang member. And he loved it! Asshole.

DOUGLAS: You wrote it?

KATE: OF course I wrote it! His biggest objection to me is that I’m a rich white girl. Maybe if I’m not a rich white girl we can find out if I can write.

(... skipping a lot of text, where Martin pipes up, Kate shuts him down, and basically no one gives Kate the reaction she’s looking for, so...)

Well done, Kate! you not only pulled one over on Leonard who everyone in the room thinks is a flaming abusive BUTTHOLE, you came up with a terrific piece of writing! We know you’ve been feeling shitty about yourself because of the way Leonard treated you and you’ve been really nice to let MARTIN and IZZY use your apartment as a FUCKING LOVE NEST and well done, well done you must feel a lot better: that piece you wrote about the Cubano transvestite gang member is really smart and edgy and funny, you’re a writer after all. Well done.

(then, playing her part)

Thanks, thanks you guys. Thanks!

This whole play is genius and hilarous and smart. I actually can’t say enough good things about it (clearly), so go check it out. Also, as if the text itself weren’t enough, Alan Rickman (RIP) played Leonard when it appeared on Broadway in 2011 (legend has it that Rebeck wrote it for him, which I can totally buy.) I saw Jeff Goldblum play the part, personally, and it was fantastic. So imagine Rickman’s gorgeous voice when reading the text and it only gets better. Izzy’s got a good monologue to Martin later in the play, as well, when she tells him of course she was sleeping with Leonard the whole time. Check it out!

And as always,

if you choose this monologue

buy/read the whole play

and post a video of it here!

Thanks guys!

Once again, this has been

SOMEONE MONO-BLOGGING

and

I’M SHANNON.

ENJOY!

All New People by Zach Braff

HI

IT’S SHANNON.

This week, we’re reading a play by Zach Braff -- yeah, that same Zach Braff we all know and love from Scrubs decided to pull a Jesse Eisenberg and wrote this play in 2011. It’s original production was at Second Stage Theatre, and it’s actually really, really good. Definitely a comedy.

It’s called:

ALL NEW PEOPLE

by Zach Braff

The play takes place in a Long Island beach home in winter. It opens with Charlie, who has come to the seclusion of the off-season location to hang himself only to be interrupted Emma, an English illegal alien working as a real estate agent. She has arrived in an attempt to sell the house to prospective buyers, but takes her intervention of Charlie’s suicide as a sign. Her best friend, a firefighter/drug dealer named Myron arrives, and as they pester Charlie about his decision, he tells them that the reason he is killing himself is because he himself has killed six people. Kim, a prostitute bought for Charlie’s his friend who owns the house, arrives and Myron flirts with her as one by one they each reveal what has brought them to this point in their lives: Emma was raped in England and has sworn to never return, Myron was fired from his job as a high school drama teacher for having sex with one of his students, and Charlie was an airport controller who killed six people when he got distracted at work. They muse over how fucked up life can be, and Kim tells the story of when she worked in a phone sex office, and a woman named Sensation comforted her once by telling her “in a hundred years, there will be all new people.”

It really is a comedy, I promise.

The monologue I’ll be doing is

(yet another character named)

EMMA

This is Emma’s entrance, essentially. She walks in, has discovered that Charlie is trying to kill himself, and has called him out on his activity, which he denies. She’s also super stoned. A British accent is required for this one -- the play doesn’t specify where exactly in England she’s from, though. Also the stakes of her going back to England are very high -- as I mention in the summary, she’s on the run from England because she was followed home and raped, so that reality underlies the beginning of the monologue.

So yeah! Here we go!

EMMA: Look, I don’t mean to be insensitive.

CHARLIE: Are you sure?

EMMA: I have no idea what’s going on with you or what your current situation is. It does seem a bit little like you might be trying to hang yourself with an extension cord, but I’m fully aware that things aren’t always what they seem. Book by its cover, blah, blah, blah. You very well may have been trying to... wire up some Christmas lights when you tripped and got all tangled up in that extension cord. But if I don’t rent a house for next summer soon, I’m gonna be fired and they’re gonna try to send me back to bloody fucking England because I don’t have a green card or a visa and there aren’t too many jobs I can get. I’m not gonna wipe anyone’s ass but my own and I’d make a horrible day-laborer; I’m running out of options. Pretty soon I’ll be right up there with you, accidentally hanging myself whilst merely trying to be festive. So would you please do a stranger a tiny kindness and allow me to attempt to rent your parents’ adorable little beach house to this nice Jewish couple from South Orange? (he stares at her a beat. gets down from the chair. lights a cigarette.)

CHARLIE: Go ahead.

EMMA: Thank you. (beat)

CHARLIE: Well, where are they?

EMMA: They’re not here yet. They said they were on their way. But they’re old and Jewish; it could be hours. They said they had to first pick up their grandson, Saul. Why Saul needs to come, I have no idea. Personally, I think they’re gonna try and set me up with him. With Saul: a dentist. A dentist who does community theater. Who the fuck would date a dentist!? A dentist wouldn’t date a dentist. He probably wears Les Miserables t-shirts to the gym. Do you mind if I have a drink? (Before he can answer she crosses to the bar and pours some whiskey in a glass.)

EMMA: I’m sorry, I’m being completely insensitive and bloody fucking selfish and self-centered. Horrible. I’m not a good person. I suck at being human; desperation has made me evil. It’s disgusting. So I apologize... New chapter: why were you trying to off yourself? And why hanging; it seems to be the most violent of all methods. Haven’t you any pills?

CHARLIE: I have pills.

EMMA: Really. What have you got?

CHARLIE: Xanax, Valium, Klonopin.

EMMA: Party, party, party. We could turn this day around for both of us real quick, couldn’t we? I’m just kidding. Well not really, but that’s irrelevant. Back to you? Girlfriend cheated? Lost it all in the market? Tired of hiding your love of cock? What put you over the edge?

CHARLIE: I really don’t wanna talk about it.

EMMA: Well, what’s the point in being coy about it now? If you’re gonna do it, you’re gonna do it,right? They always say that people who really wanna off themselves are gonna find a way. Well maybe God sent you me and the Goldberg’s for one last shot at talking you out of it. Don’t you believe in fate? I’m sorry, what’s your name?

CHARLIE:Charlie.

EMMA: Don’t you believe in fate, Charlie? Here you are, in an empty beach house, on a deserted island, in the middle of the fucking winter, moments away from ending it all, when in I walk. Does that give you no pause? Maybe God sent me to provide you with the some sort of... access to the doors of your mind that remain locked. (pause.) Sorry. I should tell you that I am super stoned right now. So if I say dumbass shit like “access to the doors of your mind that remain locked,” you have to forgive me. You have to give me a little “that poor girl is stoned outta her face” leeway.

Annndd that’s it. It’s a little long and can get kind of choppy -- Emma has another good monologue at the end of the play, where she describes why she can’t go back to England, but it’s a little melodramatic for an audition so I went with this one instead. Kim also has a good one (if you’re the superhot model type) at the very end of the play about the woman named Sensation that includes the “all new people” line.  And as usual, if you decide to use this piece we’d love to hear from you!

This has been

SOMEONE MONO-BLOGGING

and again,

I’M SHANNON

ENJOY!

The Cripple of Inishmaan- Martin McDonagh

THE CRIPPLE OF INISHMAAN by Martin McDonagh

Hi, it’s Eileen again!  Here’s a quick summary and  a short monologue from the extremely dark and incredibly fun play The Cripple of Inishmaan!

It was on Broadway in 2014 with an all Irish cast (aside from Daniel Radcliffe as Cripple Billy.)  It’s a fairly popular play, and I think the main reason to use this monologue in an audition is to show that you can do an Irish accent and that you can perform bleak Irish humor.  It’s also really fun.

Set on the dull island of Inishmann, the play examines the lives of the people who are trapped there.  Without knowing much about the world outside, the characters obsess over gossip.  Usually, Cripple Billy is at the center of the conversation.  He is a seventeen year old boy, trapped on the island like everyone else, with a bleak future ahead of him.  To top it all off, the only girl in his life is Helen McCormick.  The nice way to describe Helen is ‘spirited.’  The not-so-nice way to describe her is rude, mean, and flat-out vicious.  But, somehow, she's loveable.  Maybe it has something to do with the number of eggs she cracks over people's heads.  Or maybe it’s just that Billy cares for her so much, that we sort of have to as well.

Here’s a few very telling lines from the gossiping aunts (Eileen and Kate)-

EILEEN: ...Jim Finnegan's daughter.

KATE: She'd kiss anything.

EILEEN: She'd kiss a bald donkey.

KATE: She'd kiss a bald donkey. And she'd still probably draw the line

at Billy. Poor Billy.

EILEEN: A shame too.

KATE: A shame too, because Billy does have a sweet face if you ignore

the rest of him.

EILEEN: Well he doesn't really.

KATE: He has a bit of a sweet face.

EILEEN: Well he doesn't really, Kate.

KATE: Or his eyes, I'm saying. They're nice enough.

EILEEN: Not being cruel to Billy but you'd see nicer eyes on a goat. If

he had a nice personality you'd say all well and good, but all Billy

has is he goes around staring at cows.

A spark of hope arrives when the town hears that Hollywood director Robert Flaherty will be filming on a nearby island.  Billy and Helen both hope that the film can be their escape from the monotony of daily life.  Billy wins the role, leaving Helen in even worse spirits than usual.  Throughout their conversation (in the middle of which this monologue takes place,) Helen pokes and prods at Billy both verbally and physically.  But, by the end of the conversation (which is also the end of the show), Helen agrees to go walkin’ with him.  Then, she gives him a kiss and a wink.  The reason for these out of character actions is ambiguous.  Has she (as she jokes earlier) “softened in her old age”?  Did something in their conversation spark her sympathy for Billy?  The dialogue and action of the final seconds of the play can be performed and directed in so many different ways- it could become clear that despite Billy’s cinematic success, he returned to Inishmaan the same as he left- the outcast and the one that at best, everyone will feel sorry for.  It could be that Helen has softened a bit, and that in Billy’s absence she has come to respect him and maybe she even missed him a little bit.  Maybe she realizes that he had the only taste Maybe they’re in love or maybe she’s just feeling a little frisky.

Here’s my take on a monologue in the middle of the final scene-

I've just lost me job with the egg-man.  I can't for the life of me figure out why. Maybe it was me lack

of punctuality. Or me breaking all the egg-man's eggs. Or me giving him a good kick whenever I felt like it. But you couldn't call them decent reasons.  Or me spitting on the egg-man's wife, but you couldn't call that a decent reason.  The egg-man's wife just deserves spitting on.  I still haven't
given you a good kick for your taking your place in Hollywood that was rightfully mine. Didn't I have to kiss four of the film directors on Inishmore to secure me place you took without a single kiss?

Alright so I'll go out walking with ya, but only somewheres no fecker would see us and when it's dark and no kissing or groping, cos I don't want you ruining me fecking reputation.

Or anyways not much kissing or groping.