You Can't Take It With You by Moss Hart and George S. Kaufman

This is my mom's favorite play.  Every time I do this monologue it is dedicated to her.

The Vanderhof's are crazy.  Their "living room" tells you everything you need to know about this family.  "The room we see is what is customarily described as a living room, but in this house the term is something of an understatement.  The ever-man-for-himself room would be more like it.  For here meals are eaten, plays are written, snacks collected, ballet steps practiced, xylophones played, printing presses operated- if there were room enough there would probably be ice skating... This is a house where you do as you like, no questions asked."  And yes, we see all of those things happen (and lots more) over the course of the play.

The family is happy.  They all do what they like, oblivious to the restraints (especially the financial ones) that the rest of the world allows to dictate their life.  Alice is the most "normal" one of the family (although how "normal" can you really be, growing up in a family like that?)  She has a job, and most importantly, a boy.

She is dating Tony, the vice-president of the business she works for.  And of course, his dad's the president.  And of course, the time has come for the families to meet...

Tony, listen.  You're of a different world.  A whole different kind of people.  I don't mean money or socially, that's too silly.  But your family and mine?  It just wouldn't work, Tony.  It just wouldn't work.

I love them Tony.  I love them deeply.  Some people could break away, but I couldn't.  I know they do rather strange things, but they're gay and they're fun and I don't know... there's a kind of nobility about them.

Tony.  Your mother believes in spiritualism because it's fashionable and your father raises orchids because he can afford to.  My mother writes plays because eight years ago a typewriter was delivered here by mistake.  And look at grandpa, thirty-five years ago he just quit work one day.  He went up the elevator and came right down again.  He just stopped.  He could have been a rich man, but he said he wasn't having any fun.  So, for thirty-five years he's just collected snakes and gone to circuses and commencements.

Could you explain grandpa to your father?  You couldn't Tony, you just couldn't!  I love you Tony, but I love them too.  And it's no use, Tony.  It's no use.