Dog Sees God by Bert V. Royal

In honor of 'The Peanuts Movie,' here is the classic beloved character, Lucy Van Pelt.

Alright, 'classic' might be stretching it.

'Beloved' even more so.

This is Lucy... all grown up.

'Dog Sees God' is about the Peanuts characters as teenagers.  Snoopy has been put down because he had rabies and killed a little yellow bird, Linus (Van) is a pothead and smoked his blanket, and Lucy (Van's Sister) is in a mental care facility for pyromania. Marcy and Tricia throw a wild party (a brilliant sequence as the characters transition from the traditional Peanuts song and dance into a contemporary, crazy drug and alcohol induced rave.) Beethoven, the social outcast (who is taunted and bullied after being sexually abused by his dad), shows up to the party.  After an altercation with the "cool" kids when Matt (the gang leader) throws him to the ground, CB helps him up and kisses him in front of everyone.

After the party, CB visits Van's Sister at the mental hospital.  In the first half of the scene, he tells her what happened.  She freaks out, but is proud of him "for setting one foot outside the norm and giving no apologies."  In the second half of the scene, CB questions why she lit the little red headed girls' hair on fire.  Van's Sister does everything possible to avoid answering him. Finally, CB gets fed up with her sarcasm and avoidance and starts to walk out.  She finally admits-

I was pregnant.  Don’t worry.  It wasn’t yours.  I had just gotten an abortion the day before and the next day in Biology, we were ironically talking about reproduction.  I’m listening to Miss Rainy talking about fallopian tubes, the uterus, eggs and I’m feeling sick to my stomach already.  Trying to zone out on anything I can.  So I start reading a note over Miss Puritanical Princess’ shoulder and she’s telling her friend “how happy she is that she’s a virgin and that she’s going to stay that way until she gets married and how repulsed she is by all the whores at our school.”  Without thinking, I reached into my pocket for my cute, little, red Bic lighter and lit her cute, little, red hair on fire.  And every day in therapy, they ask me if I’m sorry yet.  And I just can’t be.  No matter how hard I try.  Bitches like that make me sick.  They’ve made me sick.  I am officially sick, psychotic, unrepentant, and unremorseful.  I’ve been branded a sociopath and I have no choice but to believe it.

Hey, blockhead!  You forgot your scarf!